27 October 2014
The story of Monday is that it is a Monday.
The alarm went off at 6:30 AM and I woke up in pain. Roller skating two days before finally caught up with me. I hit snooze twice and was late getting into the shower, which set the tone for the entire day. I had a fight with my work bag, which stubbornly refused to allow me to put anything into it. However, I did manage to make it to work on time.
At work, it was a day of computer issues and general unhappiness with my job. I am in a new position, which is the old one I had. The company I work for is going through growing pains and my department was one that was cut. So I am back doing what I did before (with the hourly wage to go along with it). I am good at what I do, but I’ve come to accept that it really is just a job. It will never be a career. I am by nature a pretty loyal person, but I have grown disillusioned with the work I do and the people I work with. I really want to be doing something else with my life.
So the story of Monday is trying to understand why I am not doing something else with my life. When did I let go of the dreams I had for myself? When did I abandon my ambition and fearlessness? When did mediocrity become the norm? And why is that okay?
I always thought I could be more than I am. Why is that not how it is? How do I teach my girls to avoid the same trap? Because that is all I feel I can do now. It’s may be too late for me, but I am going to do my best to make damn sure Ella and Sophie become the very best versions of themselves.
I think it starts with being present. Not allowing distractions to keep me from connecting with my beautiful daughters on an intimate level. By showing them that they are truly and deeply loved for all that they are, flaws and all. And by helping them understand that their story matters. This is why I find the concept of Project Life so valuable. Our 2014 PL album is not only a visual reminder of our year, it is all of the small stories that make up who they are and who they will become.
One day Ella and Sophie will look back at this week and see pictures of themselves at 10 and 9 years old. Ella played clarinet in her first 5th grade band concert, Sophie had a book report due. Jason works third shift now, so we are able to eat dinner as a family each night. We watch football and the Voice together.
It may be the minutiae of life and they may scoff at Mama taking pictures all the time and shoving them in an album, but they will know they are loved.